Every few years, I write an entry. So I can proudly announce, "I am a blogger! AND I HAVE A BLOG!"

Wait a second, why do I want to be a blogger?

It boggles my mind.

Being a blogger boggles my mind.

Blogging boggles blog.

Ok, maybe I'm not that gifted a blogger after all.

Ahhh, so much has past within a spend of a year.

Harvey is no more. He passed away a month ago. 3 entries down he still existed. And I still clearly remember that day, where I brought him and Brandy out for a little walk.

A couple of words away, a couple of months down the road and death has taken him. I remember being devastated the night he died. And surprisingly it still pains me a little to talk about it. I've wanted to write it for some stuff but I didn't want my words to read hollow to what I was feeling. In fact, no amount of describing could illustrate that feeling of loss. Like something really good came and went and all I did was witness. A life, his life - from puppyhood to adulthood to old-doghood. A good solid 13 years. Just like that. Feeling sad that it went, and grateful at the same time to have his life on earth overlap mine. And understanding that no amount of anything could bring that time back; could bring him back. Seeing almost too clearly that nothing lasts forever. And down that road, we all have to say goodbyes.

What perhaps killed me was that I wasn't there when he passed away. I was halfway around the globe. "Making Films." I could've been back in time to say my goodbyes but I chose to stay on a shoot out of guilt or misplaced sense of responsibility.

Anyway, if I'd have known, it wouldn't be this way. But we never know. And things slip away like that. And I never had a chance to say a proper goodbye.

I don't really know if he is somewhere out there, to be honest. I subscribe but do not truly believe in any form of religion.

There is more to say but I think I should stop. This is getting me depressed all over again.

Back in the city. Smoking in my apartment. The air is humid. It is summer but it's pouring outside. 4 more days and I'd be moving to Brooklyn.

4 more packs left in my carton of DFS ciggies. Soon I'll have to buy expensive off the counter cigarettes. There is something very mundane and ordinary about today. Maybe it's the rain. No-one is doing anything. How nice it is to be in the city without much to do. 2 scripts to write but that can wait.

At 3.46pm, in my apartment at East Village. I would classify this as a lazy Wednesday afternoon.

I note with some interest that my last entry was written almost a year ago. The advent of Facebook has caused the death of livejournal! And of course, there is twitter, myspace, this and that. I'm confused about my online sanctuary. I'm all over the place. Online, real life, everywhere. Like a Thai Fortune teller once told me, "It's better if you found a home. The Gods are confused about where you sleep." And I thought God (or The Gods) are supposed to know such stuff.

I'm not egoistic enough to presume that he knows every tiny bit about me but home address is pretty basic. Admittedly, I've moved from home to home, country to country, so often that I no longer bother unpacking. But if He created humans who had the ability to create a GPS, I would think navigation wouldn't be that much of an issue for Him. (See how I type "Him" with a capital "H", I'm polite like that.) If anything, we could be red blinking dots moving from place to place all the time. If we're all blinking red dots, I could see how that would be an issue, but he could make me pink. I don't care. We could be millions of dotted colors, an explosion of shades, on this giganormous map of humanity. Then he'd know EXACTLY where we are all the time.

Wouldn't that be nice.

Anyway, I made a brief resolution 5 hours ago that I shall try to write more often. You see, I reread my entries sometime ago and have forgotten so many things that I've typed. Since my memory is nothing to write home about, this is an excellent way to remember.

And so I dedicate this entry to the future. The future me, you and whoever that's reading this rather pointless piece of writing. In relation to this moment, you haven't happened. But here I am waiting for it. Without further ado, let's starting writing about my current life.

I am in Singapore. It is July. 2009. I'm waiting for school to start in August. I will fly back to New York in about 4 days. I know it will go by in a flash as it always does. And it'll be next year really really soon. And I'm kinda afraid. Is it possible to miss something that hasn't happened? I feel as if I've all these questions but God remains preoccupied as he looks for me on his GPS.

I'm here. Hi.

Let me in my futile tinyness attempt to write to God. Yes, I know it's online. Let's hope He has a laptop, or at least, an IPhone. Here goes.

"Dearest Almighty,

I'm not too adapt at writing to you. Neither can I spew praises without feeling a tad awkward. It's my Asian upbringing. I'm not sure why I'm writing to you apart from feeling a desire to. I'm quite sure you have worlds to save, wrongs to right, and I don't want to take up too much time if time is even a construct you subscribe to. You probably created Time, which is pretty abstract and awesome.

Ok, I feel like I should end this note because this seriously isn't pressing but I want to quickly tell you that I had a good time today. Thanks. Yup.

xoxo
K."

Hm.

I hope this doesn't immediately get categorized as spam. I kinda meant it.

Hey, currently am in New York.

The city is alive as always. Apartments are a bitch to hunt. Ok, let's paraphase. Since I'm trying to clean up my language - It is tiring to hunt for apartments.

And internet. The internet at my temporary home isn't working too well. So forgive if I don't blog as often.

Hello from me and my blistered toes.

Flying off to New York now. Gonna shut down the computer. Goodbye all. When I log on again, it'll be New York. Be back in 3 years!

:)
Kirsten

Knowing that I have such a terrible memory, I shall attempt to write down memorable bits of my stay in Thailand. I think that I tried it some posts ago, but uhm... not very complete. As you see, I was surfing my blog and was astonished that THIS BLOG was started 7 years ago in 2001. How far we've come.

Anyway, so this is my feeble attempt to remember. Though some would argue tis better to forget. But if I forget, it's just me here you see, since there is not much to see at the surface of me, I will try to jolt down history... in point form. (How Singaporean.) After all, we are also what we have lost. <--- Poignant quote not from me but from Amores Perros.

Over the next few days, I will attempt to write:

1) The interesting economy of Chatuchak market.

First World country donates to >>>>> Cambodia who sells all their Salvation army goods to >>>> Thailand who sells it back 2nd hand to Farangs (Western 1st-Worlders) in Chatuchak who donates to >>>> Cambodia who sells all their Salvation army goods to >>>> Thailand who sells it back 2nd hand to >>> Farangs who donate their stuff to >>>> Cambodia who....

Hope you're beginning to see a pattern, and if you don't, it's ok. Just shop.

2) My stay at P.Tong's house

3) My crazy 35shots/day film shoot in the freakin' ocean.

4) Ok, if I remember more, I will continue this post. Will add through editing this later.

...

Obviously today isn't a fruitful blogging day.

Thank God for Music and Friends.

Honestly, I never really thought I'd enjoy Karaoke.

AND NEVER DID I THINK I'D ACTUALLY FEEL SAD SINGING & LISTENING TO "THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR." Such a travesty, but I did. In summary, I'd be leaving for New York. I'll be there for the next 3 years, and I'll be leaving on August 3rd.

I was away for so long but still, it doesn't make leaving again any easier. I was out of the country for the last 2 years and yet every time I go, it happens all over again.

This post is for friends. I think they're the darndest best thing that's ever happened to me.

Click here to listen to singing.

Ignore sexual innuendos & moans/grunts at middle part of song. Or listen if you must.

Hello, remember the Korean film I was telling you all about sometime ago. Ok, you don't remember.

Click here to the link to my previous blog

It's being screened in Singapore for the first time at Singapore Short Cuts, National Museum on 2nd August, 2pm. Come on down if you're free. :)

-------------

5th Singapore Short Cuts

Presented by The Substation
With support from the National Museum of Singapore and Singapore Film Commission
Saturday 12, 19, 26 July and 2 August 2008
Free admission with tickets

In its fifth edition year, Singapore Short Cuts is one of the most popular and widely anticipated showcases of local short films in Singapore.

This year’s programme features new short films by acclaimed local filmmakers such as Kirsten Tan (Come), K. Rajagopal (The New World), Anthony Chen (Haze), and Boo Junfeng (Bedok Jetty) as well as premieres of outstanding work from new and upcoming filmmakers including Dreams of Youth by Daniel Hui and My Blue Heaven / 蓝蓝的天 by Yee-wei Chai.

In celebration of Singapore Short Cuts fifth year is a special screening on 12 July of some of the favourite Singapore Short Cuts films over the years. All screenings will be followed by discussions with the filmmakers.


SCHEDULE

Sat 12 July
(2 pm) NC16, Duration 80 min
Veune: National Museum of Singapore, Gallery Theatre

Lorong 27 by Kenny Tan
Pontianak by Raihan Harun
Lim Poh Huat by Lee Wong
Embryo by Loo Zihan
Zo Gang + Zo Hee by Jacen Tan


Sat 19 July
(2 pm) R21, Duration 75:25 min
Veune: The Substation

Wet Season / 水枪 by Michael Tay
Reflections by Ho Tzu Nyen
The New World by K. Rajagopal
My Blue Heaven / 蓝蓝的天 by Yee-wei Chai
Dreams of Youth by Daniel Hui


Sat 26 July
(2 pm) NC16, Duration 84 min
Veune: The Substation

Twogether by Victric Thng
Bedok Jetty by Boo Junfeng
Caramel /黑默糖 by Kelvin Ke
Blank Rounds by Green Zeng
Speakers Cornered by Martyn See


Sat 2 August
(2 pm) R21, Duration 82:20 min
Veune: National Museum of Singapore, Gallery Theatre

Four Dishes by Leon Cheo
Haze by Anthony Chen
Love through the Ages / 被 骗 by Wendy Chee
Come by Kirsten Tan
Clouds in a Shell / 壳里的云 by Liao Jiekai



TICKETING INFORMATION

Free tickets to the 5th Singapore Short Cuts can be collected at the National Museum of Singapore (Stamford Visitor Services Counter) on Saturday, a week before each weekend’s screening. Tickets are available on a first come, first served basis, and limited to four per person. Any remaining tickets will be given out at the door on the screening day.

Sat 12 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 5 July)
Sat 19 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 12 July)
Sat 26 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 19 July)
Sat 2 August screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 26 July)

---------

I would've provided the link to the National Museum site, except it's all in flash, so there isn't a HTML I can link to. Alternatively, you can read the synopsis here.

Hi,

I fell asleep really early last night. Around 9pm. Of course, that was by accident.

(Pardon my short sentences, being away for 2 years in non-English speaking countries has made me rather slow in formulating my sentences. Linguistic Constipation. Need fibre.)

Anyway, so I slept really early last night which resulted me in waking very early. 7 bloody 30 am to be exact. It's been so long since I am AWAKE at 730am. Usually it's a case of not having slept yet at 730am.

To give a bit of history, I am an insomniac. I have been so since I was a child. One of my earliest memories is of me when I was 5, lying in bed at 2.30am. The whole house is asleep. I stumble to the living room in darkness and I see a clock with neon-lit green numerical digits. The digit reads 2.31am. An eternity later, there is a click as the digit changes to 2.32am. I walk to my parent's room. Their door is closed. I bet they're sleeping. Everyone is sleeping except me. I was bored, and upset. Being awake at 2.32am at age 5 is pointless, there is simply nothing to do, except wander through the darkness of your living room. Trying to sleep when you're an insomniac is also pointless. It was my first glimpse into existential angst. I went back to bed, lying awake.

Cut to the present.

So, yes! Today I woke up to the morning light filtering through the curtains. How delightful! I went out to have breakfast at Jelita's O'Brien cafe. And I have to say that the coffee is quite dismal. Those who know me would already know I have very low food standards. I eat anything. But the latte which I ordered tasted nothing like latte, more like double-shot espresso with a teaspoon of mud. Nonetheless, I finished it and went on with my day.

I came home, and saw my two dogs. One is Harvey, 10 year-old, Siberian Husky. And the other is Brandy, 4 year-old, Golden Retriever. Let's give my dogs a bit of a character description:


Harvey, 10 year-old, Siberian Husky.
-----------------------------

Harvey is an old dog. Like old dogs, he is no longer frisky or spritely. However, he still enjoys the fine activity of ass-smelling. That is hardly polite, but Harvey does not care. Harvey rarely cares for anything. He blows kisses to the wind. Being old, he has arthritis and likes lying down often. However, he enjoys dog biscuits A LOT. He stands up only for them. I suspect he is materialistic. He is often described as "pretty."


Brandy, 4 year-old, Goldie
--------------------

If Brandy is personified, he would be an American Jock. He is kind & nice but not exactly, sharp, shrewd or astute. I am not saying that American Jocks are dumb except that they probably think like Brandy. Anyway, Brandy is quite obedient but gets jealous spells often, especially wrt Harvey.



So today, I decided to walk my dogs.

I wanted to bring only Harvey first because walking my 2 crazy dogs at the same time is quite a challenge. They have no order. They walk arbitrarily. Their leashes often get tangled and it is too much of a mess.

I leashed up Harvey and proceeded towards the gates. However, Brandy's jealous nature did not allow that and whining ensued. It was too much to argue against so I brought him along as well.

Things were going rather peachy. I skipped and did some pirouettes to get myself outta the leash mess and they in turn found some trees to pee at.

I went to the park in front of my house. And what do you know, a kindergarten of children were there as well. All about 4 or 5 year-old. Anyone who thinks that dogs are chick-magnets would find that dogs are an even greater kid-magnets.

They, approximately 10 pax, stampeded towards Harvey and Brandy. They stood curiously around the dogs at first. And then, a kid came towards me. She asked, "Can I touch them?" Of course, I said Yes. The rest of the kids closed in on my dogs. They unleashed a variety of comments. One asked me, "How old are they?" I answered, "Harvey is 10, and Brandy is 4." They asked for their names, and of course I replied. The kids told me helpfully that they are 5 year-old, some of them said that they are 4. I told them that Harvey is older than them, they did not reply.

One boy made a profound observation - "They are smelly." At this point, the kindergarten teacher whom I have largely ignored, came to the fore. She declared, "This dog is smelly but this dog isn't." (She pointed at Harvey for being smelly.) In retaliation or perhaps not, Harvey started to smell her ass... rather persistently. I apologized for Harvey's behavior. The boy, afraid that no one heard his comments, repeated emphatically, "They are smelly." Harvey continued smelling everyone's ass. I continued to say sorry for his behavior and tried tugging at his leash. A whole chorus of "Harvey, harvey!" and "Brandy, brandy!" erupted from the kids.

A boy decided that he wants to play Fetch with my dogs. He picked up a stick and threw it far away. No one, not even dog, went to retrieve it.

Feeling it was time for me to leave, I decided to walk away. However, 3 or 4 of the kids would not leave and followed me on my journey towards the park bench.

Finally as parting gift, a girl, who was Eurasian, offered Brandy a leaf. The leaf was golden brown and about the size of my palm.

She held the leaf in front of Brandy. Brandy takes a sniff. She proudly exclaims, "He wants to eat the leaf!" However, further attempts at feeding Brandy the leaf fails. She passes me the leaf and tells me "Take it home and feed him later." Not wanting to disrupt her enthusiasm, I agreed and took the leaf from her.

However, when she wasn't looking, I let go of the leaf. Perhaps I was slow or that kids are secretly observant - she saw my act. Immediately, she picked up the leaf and passed it back to me - "You dropped it." she said. "Oh yes!" I said.

And so, me, Brandy, Harvey and the leaf left the group of children. Since dealing with kids are a rather tiring process, I walked further down the park to the park bench. I sat down and lit a cigarette. Fearing that the kids would see me, I turned away from them.

Harvey was tired and sat down beside me. Brandy walked the whole circumference around me that was determined by the length of his leash.

After that I decided to head on home, I was tired. I knew Harvey would agree with me on returning. So it was a 2 versus 3 decision.

At this point, I note that this blog entry is getting rather long. I think it's time for me to stop. Upon heading home, it was only 10.30am, still a full day ahead.

I have to finish by saying that it has been thus far an extremely productive day for me. The time is 5.30pm and it is time to go out to meet friends for dinner.

So adieu and as Harvey would say - "OoooooowwWWWWOoooooOOO."

Oh man, due to a strange twist of fate, I'm actually gonnabe down at SCGS tomorrow to give a career talk on film-making. Imagine, the most no-career woman on earth giving a career talk. Gonna try imagining all you SCGS people in the petit blue SLEEVELESS uniform. Scandalous.