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4 more packs left in my carton of DFS ciggies. Soon I'll have to buy expensive off the counter cigarettes. There is something very mundane and ordinary about today. Maybe it's the rain. No-one is doing anything. How nice it is to be in the city without much to do. 2 scripts to write but that can wait.
At 3.46pm, in my apartment at East Village. I would classify this as a lazy Wednesday afternoon.
I'm not egoistic enough to presume that he knows every tiny bit about me but home address is pretty basic. Admittedly, I've moved from home to home, country to country, so often that I no longer bother unpacking. But if He created humans who had the ability to create a GPS, I would think navigation wouldn't be that much of an issue for Him. (See how I type "Him" with a capital "H", I'm polite like that.) If anything, we could be red blinking dots moving from place to place all the time. If we're all blinking red dots, I could see how that would be an issue, but he could make me pink. I don't care. We could be millions of dotted colors, an explosion of shades, on this giganormous map of humanity. Then he'd know EXACTLY where we are all the time.
Wouldn't that be nice.
Anyway, I made a brief resolution 5 hours ago that I shall try to write more often. You see, I reread my entries sometime ago and have forgotten so many things that I've typed. Since my memory is nothing to write home about, this is an excellent way to remember.
And so I dedicate this entry to the future. The future me, you and whoever that's reading this rather pointless piece of writing. In relation to this moment, you haven't happened. But here I am waiting for it. Without further ado, let's starting writing about my current life.
I am in Singapore. It is July. 2009. I'm waiting for school to start in August. I will fly back to New York in about 4 days. I know it will go by in a flash as it always does. And it'll be next year really really soon. And I'm kinda afraid. Is it possible to miss something that hasn't happened? I feel as if I've all these questions but God remains preoccupied as he looks for me on his GPS.
I'm here. Hi.
Let me in my futile tinyness attempt to write to God. Yes, I know it's online. Let's hope He has a laptop, or at least, an IPhone. Here goes.
"Dearest Almighty,
I'm not too adapt at writing to you. Neither can I spew praises without feeling a tad awkward. It's my Asian upbringing. I'm not sure why I'm writing to you apart from feeling a desire to. I'm quite sure you have worlds to save, wrongs to right, and I don't want to take up too much time if time is even a construct you subscribe to. You probably created Time, which is pretty abstract and awesome.
Ok, I feel like I should end this note because this seriously isn't pressing but I want to quickly tell you that I had a good time today. Thanks. Yup.
xoxo
K."
Hm.
I hope this doesn't immediately get categorized as spam. I kinda meant it.
The city is alive as always. Apartments are a bitch to hunt. Ok, let's paraphase. Since I'm trying to clean up my language - It is tiring to hunt for apartments.
And internet. The internet at my temporary home isn't working too well. So forgive if I don't blog as often.
Hello from me and my blistered toes.
:)
Kirsten
Anyway, so this is my feeble attempt to remember. Though some would argue tis better to forget. But if I forget, it's just me here you see, since there is not much to see at the surface of me, I will try to jolt down history... in point form. (How Singaporean.) After all, we are also what we have lost. <--- Poignant quote not from me but from Amores Perros.
Over the next few days, I will attempt to write:
1) The interesting economy of Chatuchak market.
First World country donates to >>>>> Cambodia who sells all their Salvation army goods to >>>> Thailand who sells it back 2nd hand to Farangs (Western 1st-Worlders) in Chatuchak who donates to >>>> Cambodia who sells all their Salvation army goods to >>>> Thailand who sells it back 2nd hand to >>> Farangs who donate their stuff to >>>> Cambodia who....
Hope you're beginning to see a pattern, and if you don't, it's ok. Just shop.
2) My stay at P.Tong's house
3) My crazy 35shots/day film shoot in the freakin' ocean.
4) Ok, if I remember more, I will continue this post. Will add through editing this later.
...
Obviously today isn't a fruitful blogging day.
Honestly, I never really thought I'd enjoy Karaoke.
AND NEVER DID I THINK I'D ACTUALLY FEEL SAD SINGING & LISTENING TO "THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR." Such a travesty, but I did. In summary, I'd be leaving for New York. I'll be there for the next 3 years, and I'll be leaving on August 3rd.
I was away for so long but still, it doesn't make leaving again any easier. I was out of the country for the last 2 years and yet every time I go, it happens all over again.
This post is for friends. I think they're the darndest best thing that's ever happened to me.
Click here to listen to singing.
Ignore sexual innuendos & moans/grunts at middle part of song. Or listen if you must.
Click here to the link to my previous blog
It's being screened in Singapore for the first time at Singapore Short Cuts, National Museum on 2nd August, 2pm. Come on down if you're free. :)
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5th Singapore Short Cuts
Presented by The Substation
With support from the National Museum of Singapore and Singapore Film Commission
Saturday 12, 19, 26 July and 2 August 2008
Free admission with tickets
In its fifth edition year, Singapore Short Cuts is one of the most popular and widely anticipated showcases of local short films in Singapore.
This year’s programme features new short films by acclaimed local filmmakers such as Kirsten Tan (Come), K. Rajagopal (The New World), Anthony Chen (Haze), and Boo Junfeng (Bedok Jetty) as well as premieres of outstanding work from new and upcoming filmmakers including Dreams of Youth by Daniel Hui and My Blue Heaven / 蓝蓝的天 by Yee-wei Chai.
In celebration of Singapore Short Cuts fifth year is a special screening on 12 July of some of the favourite Singapore Short Cuts films over the years. All screenings will be followed by discussions with the filmmakers.
SCHEDULE
Sat 12 July
(2 pm) NC16, Duration 80 min
Veune: National Museum of Singapore, Gallery Theatre
Lorong 27 by Kenny Tan
Pontianak by Raihan Harun
Lim Poh Huat by Lee Wong
Embryo by Loo Zihan
Zo Gang + Zo Hee by Jacen Tan
Sat 19 July
(2 pm) R21, Duration 75:25 min
Veune: The Substation
Wet Season / 水枪 by Michael Tay
Reflections by Ho Tzu Nyen
The New World by K. Rajagopal
My Blue Heaven / 蓝蓝的天 by Yee-wei Chai
Dreams of Youth by Daniel Hui
Sat 26 July
(2 pm) NC16, Duration 84 min
Veune: The Substation
Twogether by Victric Thng
Bedok Jetty by Boo Junfeng
Caramel /黑默糖 by Kelvin Ke
Blank Rounds by Green Zeng
Speakers Cornered by Martyn See
Sat 2 August
(2 pm) R21, Duration 82:20 min
Veune: National Museum of Singapore, Gallery Theatre
Four Dishes by Leon Cheo
Haze by Anthony Chen
Love through the Ages / 被 骗 by Wendy Chee
Come by Kirsten Tan
Clouds in a Shell / 壳里的云 by Liao Jiekai
TICKETING INFORMATION
Free tickets to the 5th Singapore Short Cuts can be collected at the National Museum of Singapore (Stamford Visitor Services Counter) on Saturday, a week before each weekend’s screening. Tickets are available on a first come, first served basis, and limited to four per person. Any remaining tickets will be given out at the door on the screening day.
Sat 12 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 5 July)
Sat 19 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 12 July)
Sat 26 July screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 19 July)
Sat 2 August screening (Tickets for collection from Sat 26 July)
---------
I would've provided the link to the National Museum site, except it's all in flash, so there isn't a HTML I can link to. Alternatively, you can read the synopsis here.
I fell asleep really early last night. Around 9pm. Of course, that was by accident.
(Pardon my short sentences, being away for 2 years in non-English speaking countries has made me rather slow in formulating my sentences. Linguistic Constipation. Need fibre.)
Anyway, so I slept really early last night which resulted me in waking very early. 7 bloody 30 am to be exact. It's been so long since I am AWAKE at 730am. Usually it's a case of not having slept yet at 730am.
To give a bit of history, I am an insomniac. I have been so since I was a child. One of my earliest memories is of me when I was 5, lying in bed at 2.30am. The whole house is asleep. I stumble to the living room in darkness and I see a clock with neon-lit green numerical digits. The digit reads 2.31am. An eternity later, there is a click as the digit changes to 2.32am. I walk to my parent's room. Their door is closed. I bet they're sleeping. Everyone is sleeping except me. I was bored, and upset. Being awake at 2.32am at age 5 is pointless, there is simply nothing to do, except wander through the darkness of your living room. Trying to sleep when you're an insomniac is also pointless. It was my first glimpse into existential angst. I went back to bed, lying awake.
Cut to the present.
So, yes! Today I woke up to the morning light filtering through the curtains. How delightful! I went out to have breakfast at Jelita's O'Brien cafe. And I have to say that the coffee is quite dismal. Those who know me would already know I have very low food standards. I eat anything. But the latte which I ordered tasted nothing like latte, more like double-shot espresso with a teaspoon of mud. Nonetheless, I finished it and went on with my day.
I came home, and saw my two dogs. One is Harvey, 10 year-old, Siberian Husky. And the other is Brandy, 4 year-old, Golden Retriever. Let's give my dogs a bit of a character description:
Harvey, 10 year-old, Siberian Husky.
-----------------------------
Harvey is an old dog. Like old dogs, he is no longer frisky or spritely. However, he still enjoys the fine activity of ass-smelling. That is hardly polite, but Harvey does not care. Harvey rarely cares for anything. He blows kisses to the wind. Being old, he has arthritis and likes lying down often. However, he enjoys dog biscuits A LOT. He stands up only for them. I suspect he is materialistic. He is often described as "pretty."
Brandy, 4 year-old, Goldie
--------------------
If Brandy is personified, he would be an American Jock. He is kind & nice but not exactly, sharp, shrewd or astute. I am not saying that American Jocks are dumb except that they probably think like Brandy. Anyway, Brandy is quite obedient but gets jealous spells often, especially wrt Harvey.
So today, I decided to walk my dogs.
I wanted to bring only Harvey first because walking my 2 crazy dogs at the same time is quite a challenge. They have no order. They walk arbitrarily. Their leashes often get tangled and it is too much of a mess.
I leashed up Harvey and proceeded towards the gates. However, Brandy's jealous nature did not allow that and whining ensued. It was too much to argue against so I brought him along as well.
Things were going rather peachy. I skipped and did some pirouettes to get myself outta the leash mess and they in turn found some trees to pee at.
I went to the park in front of my house. And what do you know, a kindergarten of children were there as well. All about 4 or 5 year-old. Anyone who thinks that dogs are chick-magnets would find that dogs are an even greater kid-magnets.
They, approximately 10 pax, stampeded towards Harvey and Brandy. They stood curiously around the dogs at first. And then, a kid came towards me. She asked, "Can I touch them?" Of course, I said Yes. The rest of the kids closed in on my dogs. They unleashed a variety of comments. One asked me, "How old are they?" I answered, "Harvey is 10, and Brandy is 4." They asked for their names, and of course I replied. The kids told me helpfully that they are 5 year-old, some of them said that they are 4. I told them that Harvey is older than them, they did not reply.
One boy made a profound observation - "They are smelly." At this point, the kindergarten teacher whom I have largely ignored, came to the fore. She declared, "This dog is smelly but this dog isn't." (She pointed at Harvey for being smelly.) In retaliation or perhaps not, Harvey started to smell her ass... rather persistently. I apologized for Harvey's behavior. The boy, afraid that no one heard his comments, repeated emphatically, "They are smelly." Harvey continued smelling everyone's ass. I continued to say sorry for his behavior and tried tugging at his leash. A whole chorus of "Harvey, harvey!" and "Brandy, brandy!" erupted from the kids.
A boy decided that he wants to play Fetch with my dogs. He picked up a stick and threw it far away. No one, not even dog, went to retrieve it.
Feeling it was time for me to leave, I decided to walk away. However, 3 or 4 of the kids would not leave and followed me on my journey towards the park bench.
Finally as parting gift, a girl, who was Eurasian, offered Brandy a leaf. The leaf was golden brown and about the size of my palm.
She held the leaf in front of Brandy. Brandy takes a sniff. She proudly exclaims, "He wants to eat the leaf!" However, further attempts at feeding Brandy the leaf fails. She passes me the leaf and tells me "Take it home and feed him later." Not wanting to disrupt her enthusiasm, I agreed and took the leaf from her.
However, when she wasn't looking, I let go of the leaf. Perhaps I was slow or that kids are secretly observant - she saw my act. Immediately, she picked up the leaf and passed it back to me - "You dropped it." she said. "Oh yes!" I said.
And so, me, Brandy, Harvey and the leaf left the group of children. Since dealing with kids are a rather tiring process, I walked further down the park to the park bench. I sat down and lit a cigarette. Fearing that the kids would see me, I turned away from them.
Harvey was tired and sat down beside me. Brandy walked the whole circumference around me that was determined by the length of his leash.
After that I decided to head on home, I was tired. I knew Harvey would agree with me on returning. So it was a 2 versus 3 decision.
At this point, I note that this blog entry is getting rather long. I think it's time for me to stop. Upon heading home, it was only 10.30am, still a full day ahead.
I have to finish by saying that it has been thus far an extremely productive day for me. The time is 5.30pm and it is time to go out to meet friends for dinner.
So adieu and as Harvey would say - "OoooooowwWWWWOoooooOOO."
It was like any other trip to Holland V, pleasant but not terribly exciting.
And then I saw her, the old lady that sells Malt Candy. In case you don't know what Malt Candy is... well, it appears like dark honey, except it's in a more coagulated form. and well, u basically consume it on a stick. So it appears much like a lollipop, except it's not as solid as a lollipop. It tastes sweet, quite yummy... think it's some kinda old Asian snack.
Well, I was really happy to see the old lady there again. I've not seen her for over 2 years, having been away in Korea and then Thailand... and she's kinda old (about 90+), so I never know when it's the last time. I always buy her Malt Candy because every time I eat it, it sorta feels like a treat since I never know when she'll be at Holland V.
And today, I saw her again. She looks really frail and all her movements are a little slow. I bought a Malt-Candy-On-A-Stick and this time, I sat down beside her. I think it's partly because I'm going to New York again very soon... and I'll be there 3 to 4 years. I really don't know if I'll see her again when I come back next time.
It was sorta nice sitting there, looking at half annoying middle-aged people passing out flyers. I asked her in Mandarin, "Do you live near here?" She looked at me for a long time, like she was thinking really hard, and then she said in Cantonese, "I don't speak Chinese."
And there, yet again, separated by language.
I had so many questions to ask - Did she have kids - Where did she learn to make Malt Candy - Has she done this her whole life - Does she stay alone - but I didn't want her to feel like I was overstepping our simple relationship of consumer/seller. Or worse, to feel like I was being charitable. And so after finishing the malt-candy, I tried catching her eye to say goodbye but she didn't look my way. Certain boundaries are just too much to cross. I stood up and walked away.
1) To be honest, I cannot come up with a 1st point.
2) Maybe the stress will be less, when it's the 2nd point.
3) Ok, the thing I've come to realize is that when you're writing/creating something. You just got to START it, and then the ideas will flow. So without further ado,
4) I like the Chiangmai 2nd hand bookshops a lot. There's a couple of fantastic (and I mean fantastic) 2nd hand bookshops, called Gecko Bookstore and Backstreet Books or something. Carry rather rare titles as well.
5) The thing about coming back to Singapore is that it's like coming back to a GIANT lego structure. Or you know those Penguin-In-A-Circuit thingies, where the penguin (not the real one, the toy), climbs up the steps, and then slides down a slide, goes in a circuit because of gravity, reaches the steps again, climbs up, slides down the slide, and then cycle continues. While it isn't bad to be a penguin since it's rather cute, the cycle is rather monotonous. The routine however is very familiar and comfortable. You can't accuse the penguin of being unhappy.
6) Given my propensity to forget, I honestly didn't miss Singapore much while I was there. The only thing I really missed was conversations. I guessed what I really did a lot in Thailand was smile. Initially, some Thai friends would say benignly, "Kirsten really likes to smile!" She was actually talking to me, but used "Kirsten" instead of "You" - That's how it is sometimes in their language. My level of Thai wasn't equipped to parry a comment like this, so guess what I did - I smiled. Of course, 1 month later, I managed to utter "I like to smile." And in another month, I could say "I like to smile. It's fun." And following that, I could say, "I like to smile, because it's fun and I'm happy." And the months following that, my reply returned to the usual routine of smiling. Too much to explain.
7) I enjoy Thai massages a lot too. Especially the 180bht/half-hour variety. In the latter half of my stay, I managed to tailor the massages a little to suit my needs. "15min shoulder, 15min head and half-hour foot, ok?"
8) If you wanna get fit and healthy, don't bother signing up for gyms or hot-yoga classes. Visit Thailand more and use Tiger Airways. Traversing the Suvarnabhumi airport often enough yields taut calves and tight asses. I don't know what they were thinking, but to check-in, I had to walk to one end, to go pass immigration, I had to go to another end, and to board, I had to go to yet another end. Since Suvarnabhumi isn't exactly small, you get a work out.
*** SKIP POINT 9 IF YOU ARE NOT MORALLY AMBIGUOUS ***
9) Since I'm a non-temporary Visa holder, everytime I left Thailand, I had to apply for this special permit which can be attained only in the airport, AFTER I check in... which means by the time I got my "special pass" (half-hour later), I still had to queue to go pass immigration, which means I'm often late to board SINCE the immigration queue is usually LOADED with people. I've not seen a time where it's empty.
So what does one do?
One can pretend to be a foreign ambassador and queue in the "foreign official/ambassador" line, which is always empty. Seeing a queue that's 30metres long vs a queue with no one at all... that's a temptation too hard to resist. If any of you has seen me in real life, you would know I'm hardly officious. In fact, my fashion sense is oft' described as "tattered." Thank goodness I am loaded with Imagination.
So for the 3mins I'm pretending to be an ambassador, I carry my head up high, and try an accent that is proper and when it's my turn, I hand them my passport regally. I don't know if ambassadors like wearing spectacles, but I wear mine when I'm queueing in that privileged queue.
I don't know if it's the accent or the glasses, but I usually get by. Only once did the person ask, "Are you an ambassador?"
And when someone asks me a question point-blank, I find it extremely difficult to lie, but I try anyway. 10 seconds later, I say, "No."
Thai official sizes me up and down, replies, "You not official, you queue wrong queue. But next time you queue right queue because I stamp passport already."
I say "Ok. Sorry." with accent and glasses and I walk pass him into paradise.
10) Pantip is DVD and software heaven. If I had a religion, Pantip is my mecca. All DVD freaks have to pay homage to Pantip if you are in Bangkok. And there is another location called Mae Sai (border of Burma)... that place is pure bliss. I've managed to find ENTIRE COLLECTIONS of Polanski, Coen Brothers, Theos Angelopolous, Zhang Yimou, Jim Jarmusch and many more during my trip there. I went mad while I was there. The only down point of being in that place is that you gotta leave your passport with scary Burmese soldiers just to cross the border.
Great. Thank you for staying tuned for my 10points of reflection. 10points of reflection sounds a lot like 6steps herbal facial and things like that.
I'm sure I've got a lot more to say but today, I'm feeling a little lazy. So till I blog again, drinks lots of milk and eat lots of vegetables and I will see you soon.
I just killed yet ANOTHER roach, but this time deploying the more conventional means of slippers. I lay the slippers on top of the roach, and then I stepped into the slippers. When I lifted the slippers, you don't wanna know what the underneath of it is like.
Please refer to previous post for more cockroach updates.
On a disturbing side-note, I have started to develop chest pains. Breathing deeply, sneezing or burping makes me wince. Like Ow! But it's only on my right side, like right lung. Haha. It's very very strange to imagine that I have a RIGHT LUNG. Can you imagine that inside you sits two lungs that's breathing as we speak? Kinda gross. But yeah, my right lung hurts from time to time, and I can't sleep on the right side. Putting pressure on it is painful.
I think if it doesn't improve by monday, I'm going to go see the doctor again.
*PLEASE CONTINUE READING ONLY IF YOU WANNA GET GROSSED OUT*
Approx. 30 minutes ago, I was sitting in my room chatting on the phone. And there I saw it!
A huge Oriental cockroach racing across me! And then it settled to a halt somewhere in the distance. Was it tired? I'm not sure.
Fearing that any quick movements on my part would start him/her on his/her sprint again, I carefully reached for a heavy web-design book on my left.
Heavy Web-Design Book + Still Cockroach = Unpleasant.
I didn't think the cockroach would make it out alive. I was sorry it had to end this way.
I held the book above the cockroach and saw a death shadow loom across the body of the roach. He/She must've sensed something was wrong and started to sprint again.
I dropped the book.
The book caught the cockroach in mid-flight. Half its body was under the book, but half managed to escape. I looked on with sheer disgust as the head along with most of the legs managed to get away. And as it ran, it's insides were spilling out like mustard.
I picked up the remaining piece under the book. Only the ass.
The head plus legs (From now on, termed THPL since it really isn't a cockroach anymore), yes the THPL escaped into the toilet.
I ran a search in the toilet but I could not locate THPL. It got away.
You may have escaped THPL, but know that I will find you.
But I'm suppose to go back again in 3 days to check. This is very sian. Did any of you kena dengue before?
It has been ages since I update my blog. But since I'm too lazy to write my script now, I shall update instead.
Things have picked up tremendously in Thailand.
1) I have formed a Thai band here. It's called Century Ache. Yes, it's a pun on Century Egg. I just play the guitar. There's 3 others in the band - 1 bass, 1 drums and 1 vocalist. It's tremendously fun to have a band again. We've only had 2 jamming session so far, but our ambitious band manager wants us to cut a single by the end of 2 monhs, where some big music festival is taking place.
2) I'm planning to shoot a film here at the end of October. For now, it will be called "In the middle of the sea." It is based on a Black & White dream that I had. I have not written the script, but I know the story in my head.
3) I have done a website for J's chatuchak shop. Her shop's called Penny Lane. www.pennylanecloset.com. Yes, please go and take a look. You can order stuff online from there, but the shop is actually in Chatuchak. I hang there like EVERY weekend, so if you're around, do drop by. Say hi to the Singaporean who is surrounded by a sea of Thais.
It's strange to call myself a Singaporean. Visually, I feel very red and white. I am probably good at Maths. If you imagine me in your head, I'm standing there waving a hand-held plastic flag.
4)I also wrote finished a feature length treatment. 18 pages. Pretty proud of myself for it's length. It's based on an idea W had. About adapting Ozu Yasujiro's "Tokyo Story" into the Singaporean context. Wah, everywhere I go, everywhere I think, it's Singaporean this and that. But ok, I quite like the treatment I wrote. And it's fun to write a script without thinking of having to direct it.
Anyway, that's it for now. I will update more when I'm less lazy. I hope all of you are doing fine, and please update your livejournal more.
To those who don't know who he is, he is one of the greatest modern filmmakers. He is swedish. He taught me that film is more than entertainment, that film is art too. He helped me name my laptop - I called it "Ingmar" because he is my fav film director. He forever engraved in me the image of a knight playing a game of chess with Death by the sea. And now it's his turn.
Thank you Ingmar Bergman, and goodnight.
Super funny. I think Pastor Yang has watched too much Lord of the Rings movies. Peace out, boy scout.
And if peace is not an option, I suggest to him mud wrestling.
An old man and old woman come to Tokyo from their hometown to visit their children. They stand on a bridge overlooking the sprawling city.
OLD MAN
Tokyo is big, isn't it?
OLD WOMAN
Yes, it is. If we got lost in it,
we'd never find each other again.
Everyone should watch Tokyo Story. Super sad.
I'm in Thailand now, on a long term I-dunno-what. It's not a holiday, it's too long to be called a holiday. I've no job. I'm living in a friend's shophouse turned house in the centre of BKK... this traditional district called Bang Lam Poo. At night, there are loads of mosquitoes, smokes and alcohol just that I don't really like drinking all that much.
Living in the middle of this I-dunno-what phase of my life, I enrolled in Thai classes and am learning Thai now. I think my life is pretty darn surreal in its utter state of planlessness.
People constantly ask me, "So what are your plans?" The official answer is I'm finding a job, hopefully in production but the truth is that I don't really have one. I state I have a plan like everyone else because it is altogether too difficult to explain planlessness.
A responsible adult like myself ought to know where Life is heading towards. Yes, dusty death for all of us, but what about the nitty-gritties that happen in between. Let me try to explain.
10 years ago, at 16, I decided that film was what I wanted to do. Actually, I didn't decide, I knew. And now I'm just living with the after-effects of that knowledge. My greatest guide is this knowledge. I think somehow I have worked towards that goal in entire planlessness.
I didn't plan to be a filmmaker, somehow I just ended up there because of those little minute impulses that somehow nudged me this way and that, resulting in me today.
Shit, now I feel like an animal. Me hungry, me eat. Me wanna make film, me make. Me sleepy, me sleep.
The greatest thing about my life now is the different people I'm meeting. So entirely varied.
I've met a guy who has no job, no house, plenty of friends, and how he lives is to live with them, helping them with random things like housework, drinks all the time, but is entirely centred.
My landlady is middle aged, recently divorced, just returned from Switzerland, quit production after 20 odd years because she got tired of the people in it and is now beginning a new life, intending to sell Salami at the shophouse we're staying in. She built herself a resort, the most beautiful resort I've seen, on a small island out of clay, with her very own hands.
Another friend, producer, intends to start his own film festival in his hometown.
And J with her own shop in Chatuchak, selling clothes she herself designed. Renovating the shop in under one day and then opening it the very next day. Earning barely enough to cover her keep, but doing it out of a sheer-nameless-something that keeps her happy, that keeps her going.
All these people going on sheer-nameless-somethings. Being able to be happy from material-nothingness.
(Pause: I am not a hippy.)
(Play)
Sitting in the middle of them, I have to confess that I am most often an observer. Trapped by incomprehension (they speak thai); but freed by chains and necessities of language. All I get is mood. Like watching and living in a foreign film without subtitles, knowing somehow what's going on through body language, art direction, cinematography, rhythm of editing and yet not really knowing exactly what's happening next.
And then someone would suddenly turn towards me, break my reverie, says in English, "We are now talking about(something-something-something.) Do you want more drinks?" I say it's enough because I don't like drinking but they pour me all the same.
Is it quite exciting? Yes. Is it insecure? Yes, but a part of me knows that there is no need to know all the time.
In the midst of so much life, are plans entirely necessary? I dunno. I really don't. I am experiencing joie de vivre at this point. Free-faling, I am quite intoxicated. Joy of life.
Could this be permanent? I know it can't be. We are just a group of people, same place, same time, all beginning something. Our link being flux - a state of unsettlement, like skydivers holding each other's hand as resistance against wind and gravity before finally opening our own parachutes and then settling whereever we ought to land.
I wonder how many people it takes to dream a single dream before it turns into a collective reality.
I hope the lj-cut works.
I hate technology.
I love sleeping.
Ok.
Irrelevant.
Stop.
Merry X'mas! :D
